Originally published on my Substack here.
CW: death and grief
July 2018: I spent a sunny Saturday afternoon in July giving tarot readings for Free Pride Glasgow, “a radical, inclusive, anti-capitalist pride event in Glasgow“. When I arrived after some difficulty finding the room where I was supposed to be giving readings, there were already a bunch of people there keen for readings. Someone happened to have brought along a tarot deck—the Next World Tarot by Christy C. Road—and had started giving readings to people before I arrived. Their name was Callie Gardner, and they were very prominent in the Scottish queer poetry scene, editing experimental poetry magazine Zarf from 2015-20, and giving poetry workshops at local queer bookshop Category Is Books.
After this chance meeting, we quickly became friends. Around this time I was looking for a new flatmate and them a new flat, so they moved in with me. We had many good times together—bonding over tarot, sharing food, playing board games together—until they moved out to live with their partner the following year.
July 2021: Very suddenly, at the age of 31, Callie died. We had drifted apart after they moved out, especially after the pandemic began, but it was still a huge loss. They were such a lovely person, so vibrant and full of life, and to have that snuffed out was such a tragedy. For me personally, it was also the first time someone close to me in my own generation died. It was also part of the reason I moved from Glasgow to Edinburgh that September, needing a fresh start after living in the same flat for 5 years, and going through so much in that time. The urge to run from my grief at Callie’s death was just one more reason.
July 2024: Grief isn’t linear, it comes and goes unexpectedly. In November of last year, I found myself in Edinburgh indie bookshop Argonaut Books, drawn to the tarot books after not doing much with tarot for the last few years. A few days later, I was reading Charlie Claire Burgess’s Radical Tarot in the bathtub, and crying. This book, about a queer approach to the tarot, reminded me so much of Callie. I feel like part of the reason I had moved away from tarot for the last few years was to avoid the feelings of grief from Callie’s death. But now I was ready to get back into tarot as well as let myself feel this grief. I am also honouring them and their memory through my practice of tarot.
A couple months later, I finally bought Callie’s book of poetry, Natually It Is Not, and read from it at a Tu Bishvat (Jewish tree holiday)/Burn’s Night dinner with some friends.
Now, in July 2024, 6 years after meeting Callie, and 3 years after their death, I finally got myself a copy of the Next World Tarot, the deck they were reading with the day I met them all those years ago. I dedicate this deck to Callie Gardner. May their memory be a blessing.
An interview with the Next World Tarot
Something I like to do when getting a new tarot deck is the deck interview spread by Beth Maiden of Little Red Tarot. I thought I’d share it here.
If you’re interested in buying this deck and based in the UK, you can find the full-sized version here and the pocket version here.
1. Tell me about yourself. What is your most important characteristic?
The Devil
This deck won’t hold back when it comes to the horrific realities of the world we live in, and the ways in which we are complicit with and/or benefit from the status quo. This includes racism and white supremacy, imperialism and the military-industrial complex, and the huge economic inequalities and injustices both within individual countries and between the global north and south.
2. What are your strengths as a deck?
The Messenger (traditionally the Hierophant)
This deck can act as a messenger, helping me to better listen to the voices of people who are oppressed and marginalised in different ways.
3. What are your limits as a deck?
The Teacher (traditionally the Emperor)
This deck can only teach me so much—I need to do my own learning outside of it, and action coming from that learning.
This will definitely involve lots of reading, as in the picture depicts! But it’s particularly important to listen to the voices of those whose experience differs from mine—one of the books featured on this card is Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde, a self-described “Black, lesbian, mother, warrior, poet”.
4. What are you here to teach me?
The Moon
I must be mindful of cycles of change and transformation—the world as it is does not need to be the way it will always be.
Here I am reminded of this quote by Ursula K. Le Guin:
“We live in capitalism. Its power seems inescapable. So did the divine right of kings. Any human power can be resisted and changed by human beings. Resistance and change often begin in art, and very often in our art, the art of words.”
The particular image on this card makes me think of finding quiet and respite, and dreaming of a better future.
5. How can I best learn and collaborate with you?
The 5 of Cups
Working through and listening to grief and loss. Maybe it’s because I didn’t shuffle the deck well enough, but it feels so fitting that this is the only card from the Minor Arcana I drew for this spread. The Five of Cups is a card all about loss, and for me this deck has such a strong association with Callie and my grief at their death.
I also love how this deck’s version of the card portrays the Jewish custom of leaving stones on a grave to honour the dead.
6. What is the potential outcome of our working relationship?
Suspension (traditionally the Hanged Man)
Seeing the world in a different way, eyes being opened, the view from upside-down.
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